


dream alive

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Fluff, M/M, Masturbation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-06
Updated: 2008-05-06
Packaged: 2019-02-05 12:25:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12794523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Fantasies and dreams are two different things.





	dream alive

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

The air conditioner has just cut out when Shige wakes from a dead sleep, still slightly out of it as he strains to listen for whatever roused him.

Koyama’s tossing and turning in the next bed, but that’s normal. He doesn’t sleep very well when they stay in hotels. Usually Shige tunes it out and sleeps just fine, in fact tonight is the first time he’s woken from Koyama’s restlessness. It worries him enough to drag himself to total consciousness and lift his head to squint towards Koyama’s bed.

He can’t see much in the dark and he doesn’t have his glasses on, but the Koyama-sized lump under the covers is thrashing about like he’s having a seizure. The silence is pierced by a small whine and a frustrated grunt, then he flips over again and sobs into his pillow.

“Shige…”

It has to be a nightmare. About him. Shige doesn’t know whether he should wake him or not, some experts say that it’ll get worse if the person is disturbed before the dream sequence is over, but he’s already gotten to his feet by the time he remembers this. He carefully approaches Koyama’s bed, perching on the end of it while Koyama’s jerking hard enough to shake the mattress.

“Koyama,” Shige says softly, staring intently at the back of Koyama’s head like that will help to calm him down.

Koyama responds with a loud hitch of breath, followed by Shige’s name in a panicked voice. “ShigeShigeShigeShige-”

“I’m right here,” Shige whispers. He wonders if he was dead, dying, or just hurt really bad to have Koyama freak out that much in a dream. “I’m fine,” he adds as an afterthought, very slowly reaching out to push Koyama’s hair out of his face.

Koyama’s eyes snap open and grow wide, flashing a look of sheer terror for a fraction of a second before he smashes his face into the mattress and groans loudly, his body convulsing a few times and finally lying still.

Then he bursts into tears. Shige frowns and continues to stroke Koyama’s hair, trying to tell him that it’s okay without the words. He doesn’t trust his voice because now that he knows exactly what Koyama was doing in his sleep, the last thing he wants is for Koyama to be more embarrassed than he already is.

“I’m sorry,” Koyama says. “I knew you were there and I couldn’t stop.”

Shige swallows. He feels very warm all of the sudden, and his heart aches with Koyama’s humiliation. “Everybody does it,” he says casually, willing his voice not to crack.

Koyama flinches and Shige pauses with his hand over Koyama’s ear. “You didn’t hear me?” Koyama asks hopefully.

Shige wants to say no, he didn’t hear a thing, but Koyama looks like he already knows. “No, I heard you,” he says. “It was just a dream, right? You can’t control who you dream about. Especially _those_ kind.”

Koyama grunts noncommittally, nudging Shige’s hand like he’s a cat seeking attention. Shige smiles gratefully, so happy that Koyama isn’t upset with him that he runs his fingers through Koyama’s damp hair and lays down on the very edge of the bed. “It’s still embarrassing,” Koyama says, and even in the dark Shige can tell that his face is bright pink. “They’re supposed to be about girls at least.”

Shige can’t believe he’s about to say this, but if he has to give up his pride to make Koyama feel better, so be it. “A few years ago, I had one about Akanishi.”

“Ehhhhh?!” Koyama squeals, leaning up on his elbows to stare incredulously at Shige, all worries forgotten. “Did he, like, do stuff to you?”

“Well, yeah.” Shige flushes and hides his face in his arm. “That’s what makes it _that_ kind of dream, doesn’t it?”

“And you’re okay with that?” Koyama asks slowly.

“I’m not harboring some secret boy crush on Akanishi, if that’s what you’re implying.” Shige laughs and raises his eyes to meet Koyama’s. “I was actually more bothered that it was _him_ than the fact that he’s a guy.”

Koyama doesn’t say anything for awhile, closing his eyes to Shige’s human petting and emitting a soft sigh. “Was it hot?”

Shige closes his eyes too, but for different reasons. “Yeah it was.” He inhales sharply, gathering his courage to ask the question. “Was yours?”

“Oh yeah,” Koyama responds unabashedly, giggling into his pillow. “I still wish Shige hadn’t seen me like that though. Now the next one will probably be stronger.”

“The… next one?” Shige falters, jerking his head up to see Koyama squeak and bury his face in the pillow. “Do you dream about me often?”

Koyama’s head nods and Shige’s heart races. “It’s sick, right?” Koyama says, laughing, his face bright red. “It’s sick and wrong and I’m sorry you had to witness it. Let’s just forget about it, okay?”

“No,” Shige says strongly, tugging on Koyama’s covers until he can pull them up to his shoulders and feel a little less exposed despite being completely dressed. “I don’t want to forget about it. Because I think of you too, only I’m awake.”

Shige winces when Koyama turns to look at him, blinking rapidly as he sucks in his air. “You don’t have to make up lies to make me feel better,” he says flatly.

“It’s not a lie,” Shige insists, moving a little closer. “I think we should talk about this.”

“O-okay,” Koyama stutters. He looks to be struggling with his words for a few seconds before finally deciding on “Why me?”

Shige laughs. It’s honestly hilarious, how naive Koyama is sometimes. “You’re the only one who doesn’t make me feel like… a slut.”

Koyama immediately narrows his eyes. “Have you-?”

“No,” Shige interrupts. “I swear.”

“Do you _want_ -?”

“I don’t know.” Shige bites his lip, looking away. “It’s not even anything like… I mean, it’s practically nothing. Not graphic at all.”

Koyama snorts, like it would make sense that Shige has PG-13 rated fantasies. Shige’s only offended for a second until Koyama’s eyes darken, all amusement dissipates, and he settles in on his side to direct his full attention at Shige. “Tell me.”

Shige gulps. He closes his eyes because it’s easier that way and rolls halfway onto his stomach, speaking into the mattress. “I don’t know you’re there,” he begins. “It’s completely quiet, and I think I’m alone. You’re in the doorway, watching me. I look up and see you, but I don’t stop. I feel ashamed but empowered at the same time because you’re… you’re getting turned on.”

Koyama makes a small noise, but Shige can’t look at him. Just recalling the scenario he’s seen behind his eyes so many times has him completely aroused. He’s subconsciously rubbing himself against the mattress, just enough to be noticeable. He can feel Koyama’s eyes on him, knowing what he’s doing under the covers, and it’s so much hotter than anything that’s ever happened in his mind.

The feeling is so strong that the words are just pouring out now, shameless and fast like he’s telling a particularly exciting story. “You cross the room and stand before me, not touching me at all, just looking. Watching. I can feel your breath on my neck and see the desire in your eyes. You look like you want to say something, but instead you place both hands on my waist and lay your head on my shoulder, like we’re dancing or something.

“You’re holding my hips, tightly like it’s your only outlet, and slowly your lips make contact with my neck. It makes me breathe your name and ask for more, and then you roughly pull me towards you and I can feel it, how much you want me, and that’s what always makes me… finish.”

Shige’s eyes are squeezed shut, like if he keeps them closed Koyama will disappear and this can just be another fantasy that ends in stained sheets and a confused heart. He can still sense Koyama’s presence though the latter might have stopped breathing, and that thought in itself has his eyes popping open in concern.

He’s met with the most serious expression he’s ever seen on Koyama’s face. His lips are parted, his skin flushed and his eyes wide open and locked on Shige’s. Shige doesn’t even notice that one of his own hands has snuck down between his legs to cup himself, something solid to rub against while every ounce of his willpower is devoted to not curling his fingers and getting off right there in front of Koyama.

“Say something,” he gasps, biting his lip when a little moan threatens to escape.

Koyama’s mouth opens, then closes. He repeats the process a couple times before letting out a frustrated exhale. “I don’t know what to say. Everything that comes to mind is inappropriate.”

“Say it anyway,” Shige presses. “What I’m doing right now is inappropriate.”

A choked sound emits from Koyama, who shakily raises a hand to push Shige’s hair out of his face, lingering on his jaw. The touch makes Shige shiver and squeeze himself harder, letting out a noise of his own as he reaches the end of his resolve. He closes his eyes for a second, but it’s long enough for Koyama to lean over and rest his chin on Shige’s shoulder, his hand dropping to Shige’s arm and urging it to move. “Do it,” Koyama whispers, scooting over to lie beside him.

Shige doesn’t have to be told twice. He reaches inside his pajama pants and touches himself directly, moaning out loud and unabashed as Koyama’s hand slides lower and lower on his arm until he’s seizing his wrist, regulating the pace for Shige.

“Kei,” Shige cries out, turning onto his back and pushing up into his own hand. “Let me… faster…”

Koyama chuckles, and Shige whines until the noise is directed into his neck. Koyama’s lips are on his skin, just like in his fantasy, and each kiss sends a shock straight to his groin. If Koyama allows him to go any faster, it’s going to be the end of him, but Koyama has a firm grip on his wrist and gives him just enough speed to drive him crazy.

“Kei, please,” Shige sputters, all gasps and moans as his body begs for release.

“Don’t you want to…” Koyama trails off, his voice low and enticing as he shifts even closer until his leg is nudging Shige’s. “Don’t you want to feel it?”

Shige makes a noise that he considers to be affirmative, and Koyama does as well judging by the way he slides one leg between Shige’s, exhaling sharply when he lowers himself to press into Shige’s thigh. Shige’s eyes roll back into his head with the added sensation, struggling against Koyama’s restraint. “I want to come now,” he whimpers. “Please, Kei, god, you’re so hard.”

Koyama moves against him sharply, kissing his way back behind Shige’s ear until Shige thinks he might explode from being denied, but then Koyama laces his fingers with Shige’s and makes contact with his erection, which makes Koyama’s breath hitch and a low moan sound from Shige’s lungs as they stroke him together. Shige’s body starts to shudder, and he cries out Koyama’s first name as he finally lets go, pulsing in both of their hands and leaving him trembling from the force of it.

A part of him thinks this is just another fantasy, a very realistic one where Koyama’s halfway on top of him and continuing to rub against him, grunting softly into his ear as Shige calms down. “Kei,” he whispers, his voice nonexistent.

“I’m probably supposed to stop now, aren’t I?” Koyama asks a little bashfully, his hips rolling like it’s automatic. “It feels so good.”

“What was yours about?” Shige asks suddenly, a little scared because it might be something more graphic, but at the same time a little hopeful for the same reason.

“You… you…” Koyama buries his face in Shige’s neck, which muffles the rest of the sentence but Shige can still hear it. “You went down on me.”

Shige grins, grabbing Koyama securely by the waist before rolling them over. Koyama gapes up at him, red-faced and wheezing as Shige hovers over him and leans down to speak directly into Koyama’s ear. “Anything else?”

“Shige, you don’t have to-” Koyama starts, but Shige’s not having any of it and nips on his earlobe, not very hard but enough to make Koyama yelp and buck his hips upwards against nothing. “Shige… oh, my god. Just thinking about it -”

“Anything else?” Shige asks again, pulling back to watch Koyama’s face contort in frustration. “Did I just walk into the room and fall to my knees?”

Koyama catches his eye and gives a short laugh. “My fantasies are not as elaborate as yours, I guess. But Shige, that doesn’t mean…” He takes a deep breath, looking much more composed as he trails his fingers along Shige’s jaw. “I don’t want it to be like that for real. I won’t degrade you like that.”

Shige’s playful smile falls as his heart aches. If there were any doubts to how he feels about Koyama before right now, they’re long gone. “Kei-chan,” he says slowly, pleased at how Koyama beams at the affectionate nickname. “You made my fantasy come true. I want to do the same for you, and I don’t feel degraded at all, because it’s you. I haven’t done it before, but I’ll try my best and if you feel even half as good as you just made me feel, I will be happy.”

“Shige.” Koyama looks like he’s about to cry, and he probably is. Sure enough, he sniffles and reaches both arms to wrap around Shige and hold him close. “Shige is so good to me.”

Shige’s face ends up in Koyama’s neck, and he wonders if Koyama will have the same reaction he did before deciding to find out for himself. Koyama’s groan could have shaken the walls from the initial contact, and Shige feels the embrace tighten as he uses his lips and tongue on Koyama’s skin. “Is it okay if I work up to it?” he asks in a way that would be innocent if it wasn’t for the implied ending point. “Or down to it, as it were.”

Koyama laughs, a little uncomfortably but then Shige’s kissing his neck and slipping a hand under his shirt, and Koyama sucks in his air and arches up into Shige’s touch. Shige likes the way Koyama reacts, the way he tries to hold in his noises until it’s absolutely not possible anymore and they escape in a long, strained groan. Koyama holds his breath like Shige’s going to disappear if he so much as breathes when Shige knows he’s not going anywhere unless it’s closer to Koyama.

“Relax,” he whispers, feeling the resulting shiver in Koyama from his deep voice. “It’s just me.”

“Shige,” Koyama gasps, panicked, reaching for Shige’s wrist as it heads for his waist. “I have to tell you something.”

Shige halts, leaning up on his elbow to give Koyama his full attention. “Yes?”

Koyama gulps. “I’m… I’m not always asleep when it happens. Sometimes- a lot of the time, I’m awake. And when I’m awake…” He inhales sharply. “It’s like this.” He smiles as his eyes get misty again. “Shige is making my real fantasy come true without even knowing it.”

There are so many things that Shige wants to say, but as he’s looking down at Koyama, he thinks the best way to express his feelings is without words. Koyama’s eyelids flutter shut, waiting patiently, and Shige takes a deep breath before leaning down and brushing their lips together. Koyama makes a squeaking noise and Shige can’t help but smile, relaxing into the kiss after taking his own advice and reminding himself that this is Koyama, his best friend, and he has no reason to feel nervous.

He doesn’t know what’s going on in Koyama’s head, but his own is getting a little fuzzy as Koyama’s lips move against his and he tilts his head to accommodate. Clearly Koyama has kissed more people than Shige and knows what he’s doing, and Shige tries to follow along until he nearly jumps out of his skin when the tip of Koyama’s tongue pokes between his lips.

Koyama chuckles and squeezes Shige close to him, sighing softly as he deepens the kiss and makes Shige’s brain pretty much turn to mush with the way he’s sliding their tongues together. Shige is barely aware of his hands moving, roaming all over Koyama’s body, and the way Koyama’s wiggling beneath him tells him that it’s well received. He feels Koyama’s erection against his thigh and lifts his knee to give him some friction, swallowing Koyama’s noises of appreciation and taking pride in the way Koyama’s nails are digging into his back.

“Shige,” Koyama whispers against his lips. “Not that I’m forcing you, but if you want to do it, you need to do it soon or it’s going to be too late.”

“Does Kei-chan want me to?” Shige teases, enjoying the way Koyama gets so embarrassed to ask for anything that’s purely for his own gratification. In his kissing frenzy, Shige somehow managed to push Koyama’s top up to his armpits, and now he pulls it the rest of the way off, with no protest from Koyama as he gently breaks the kiss and dips his head to Koyama’s chest.

“Shige,” Koyama says again, more rushed as Shige flicks his tongue around one of Koyama’s nipples. “Only if you want to.”

“You have to ask me,” Shige responds, his fingers lingering on the waistband of Koyama’s pajama bottoms. “Ask me and I’ll do it.”

He practices on Koyama’s nipple, sucking on it a little and smiling satisfactorily when Koyama arches with his whole body and lets out another one of those repressed moans. “I can’t say those kinds of words, Shige.”

“Sure you can,” Shige replies nonchalantly. “You can do anything.”

Without giving Koyama much time to prepare, he tongues his way down Koyama’s chest until he feels a bump under his chin, hooking his fingers under Koyama’s waistband and looking up at him one more time for permission.

The look in Koyama’s eyes will forever be emblazoned in Shige’s memory. It’s a mixture of adoration and amazement, a little fear and a lot of respect. Shige moves his chin around, watching Koyama’s eyelashes flutter at the contact.

“Ask me,” Shige requests for the last time. “I want to hear you tell me what you want me to do.”

Koyama inhales sharply, then focuses his attention on Shige, who’s rising and falling with the force of Koyama’s breaths. “Shige,” he says slowly. “Please put your- I mean, put my- dammit, I can’t say it.”

Shige scoots down a little more and presses his lips to the bulge, feeling Koyama harden even more at the prospect of doing this without the clothing barrier.

“Fuck, Shige,” Koyama spat, throwing his head back so that all Shige can see is his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “ _Please_ … suckmeoff.”

Shige’s really glad he pushed this, because Koyama losing control is one of the most arousing sights he’s ever seen. Koyama who’s normally composed writhing around beneath him, hard and begging because of him. Shige could definitely get used to this.

He pulls down the front of Koyama’s pants and watches in awe as Koyama’s cock springs free right in front of his face. He considers the size and width and nods to himself before leaning forward and running his tongue from base to tip, which makes Koyama cry out and grip onto the sheets on either side of him.

Koyama doesn’t taste bad, not at all, even when Shige takes the tip into his mouth and laps up the small drop of fluid that’s already there. He flicks his tongue into the slit to get it all and almost jumps when Koyama jerks and groans deeply.

“Shige,” Koyama murmurs. “ShigeShigeShige.”

Just like earlier. Shige plays with the slit a little longer, proud at the way Koyama’s squirming and continuing to chant his name, then he sucks as much as he can past his lips and silently thanks Ryo for all of those times he shoved food into his mouth. Koyama’s kind of long, but what he can’t fit he makes up for with his hand and from the way Koyama’s falling apart, he’s doing just fine.

The sheets are in danger of ripping out from the corners of the mattress with the way Koyama’s yanking at them, his hips starting to push up every now and then like he’s trying to keep from thrusting into Shige’s mouth. Shige uses his free hand to hold him down, softly rubbing the skin above Koyama’s hips with his fingers, and Koyama sighs softly as he leans up on his elbows and looks down with narrow, doting eyes.

“Is it okay?” Shige asks, but his mouth is full and it comes out garbled. Koyama tests the resistance of Shige’s grip in response, falling back and almost smacking his head on the headboard.

Shige takes that as a yes. He feels Koyama’s pulse in his mouth and it’s a completely unprecedented sensation, nothing at all like how his own cock feels in his hand, which is about the limit of his male experience. It feels right that he would do this with Koyama, the way Koyama slips in and out of his mouth like it’s natural.

Normally someone saying his name over and over again would be annoying, but his name from Koyama’s voice in that tone just makes him want to work harder to make him feel good. Shige has had this done to him a couple times, but nothing could have prepared him for the effort that goes into actually doing it. His jaw is starting to hurt from the constant motion, and sometimes he gets too close to his gag reflex and falters in his rhythm a little. Of course since he’s Shige, he shouldn’t be expected to have good rhythm, but he digresses.

Koyama’s making a series of interesting noises, shrill cries mixed with rough grunts as his body starts to tremble under Shige’s touch. Shige can tell that he’s close and isn’t sure what to do, if he should swallow or spit or pull off completely and let Koyama take care of himself. He kind of wants to finish what he started, and running to the bathroom immediately afterwards isn’t very sexy no matter which side you’re on.

That leaves one option, which Shige prepares himself for as Koyama gets louder and starts thrashing around. “Shige,” he gasps, prying one of his hands off of the sheets to tug desperately on Shige’s shoulder. “Get up. I’m gonna-”

He trails off as Shige digs his nails into Koyama’s hip, making his intentions clear and pulling back to suck on the head, going a little faster than before. Koyama’s hand is gripping his shoulder like he’s torn between pushing him away and pulling him closer, and Shige barely has time to react before Koyama screams his name, twitches in his mouth, and comes.

He doesn’t choke very much, but it’s enough to worry Koyama. Even in his orgasmic stupor he manages to pull Shige up by the collar and pat his back until he’s satisfied that Shige isn’t going to asphyxiate on his own release. What a way to go.

“Kei, I’m fine,” Shige gasps, not sounding fine but it’s a little difficult to talk when one’s jaw is locked. “Enjoy it this time, okay? Don’t worry about me.”

That seems to be enough for Koyama and he falls limp, his eyes closed and his hold on Shige loosened. Shige’s lying halfway across Koyama’s body with his face in Koyama’s collarbone, moving up and down with the rise and fall of Koyama’s chest.

Shige starts to move, but Koyama’s arms suddenly connect like a seatbelt and Shige’s trapped. “Please don’t leave,” Koyama whispers, very breathless and very, very close to tears. “Please let me believe this for a little while longer.”

“Believe what?” Shige asks softly. He doesn’t like it when Koyama cries, even if he hardly ever cries when he’s actually upset.

“This,” Koyama repeats. “You. Me. Us. Just… give me a few more minutes before it goes back to normal, okay?”

Shige pauses, unsure how to respond. He wraps his arms around Koyama’s shoulders and hugs him, pressing his face into Koyama’s skin and biting back his own emotions that want to surface. He’s not sure why; he’s not sad. He just shared something beautiful with his best friend and in no way does he feel disheartened or ashamed. If anything, he feels _more_. More aware, more happiness, more love.

He sets his jaw, even though it hurts, and directs his question into Koyama’s collarbone. “What if I don’t want it to go back to normal?”

Then Koyama cries. He’s sobbing into Shige’s hair, holding him so tight that he can barely breathe, and that’s okay because Shige knows that his feelings are mirrored in Koyama’s heart and that this is the beginning of something even more beautiful. “Shige,” Koyama says, his voice breaking. “Would you believe me if I told you I love you?”

“I believed you the first time,” Shige replies, and he’s serious. He’s also very tired, which catches up with him at this moment and has him reluctantly escaping from Koyama’s hold and urging him out of bed. “Come on, let’s sleep in my bed.”

Koyama considers his sheets and doesn’t protest the decision, following Shige under the covers of the other bed and snuggling as close as humanly possible. “This is okay, right?”

“It’s all okay,” Shige assures him. “It’s okay because it’s you.”

He can feel Koyama smiling in his arms, the eyelashes that blink against his skin as he raises his head. Shige meets him halfway and they kiss, very chaste but at the same time powerful. This kiss tells Shige that there will be many more kisses to be shared, many memories to be made, and many obstacles to overcome. He thinks about this as Koyama contently falls asleep and decides that it will be worth it as long as they can be like this. Koyama’s heart beating with his and Koyama’s hair up his nose, the beginning of many compromises he’s sure.

“Hey,” Koyama says softly as he tries to nuzzle closer. Any more and he’s going to crawl inside Shige’s body. “Do you think this would have happened if I hadn’t been, um, having that dream?”

“Probably not,” Shige admits. “We’re both kind of dumb when it comes to these things.”

“Speak for yourself,” Koyama scoffs. “I let you catch me.”


End file.
